Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
