Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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