i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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