I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
