So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
