I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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