I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
