he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
