Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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