I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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