I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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