I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
