Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
