first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
