i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
