Define "chronic" masturbator.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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