Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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