My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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