every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
