at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
