Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize