He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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