It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
