if i died would you start the facebook group?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
