I just threw up on my dentist
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
