The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
