You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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