I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
