So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just had sex bonerless
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
