i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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