Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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