She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
