It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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