Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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