I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
