bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
