Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
