I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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