We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize