would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
