I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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