i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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