This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was a blind-side dick pic.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
