Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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