i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
