You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize