So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
