Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
