Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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