We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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