you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
