After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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