I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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