I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
