im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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