I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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