I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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