I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
