A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
