So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
