non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do vagina's smell?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
