I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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