yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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