I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
