i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
